If when I talk to him and in the moment he's doing something else like texting or doing the dishes it will be a bit hard for him to follow my conversation. He doesn’t hold hands, or hug or anything at all. Perhaps explaining to him that his increasingly bad memory has you concerned for his health would help him go willingly. No one likes to feel they are being lectured to, … I've noticed that a lot of people are mentioning ADD, well DING DING DING. He will even go somewhere with the specific intent to do a certain thing and then come home having forgotten to do it and be like, "....fuck" Or he will ask me the same questions over and over only to be like"ohhh yeahhh, I remember now!" ;). I don't do it intentionally and it's not because I don't love her. Unless we are talking specifically about him he simply stops listening. When your spouse forgets — forget it. “Timing is critical here. It seems like he just doesn't give a shit about what I am talking to him about, so he just stops listening. My wife and I still fight about it, So please don't think this will get better or be fixed quickly. I couldn't explain myself. I have a lot of good examples but I think you ladies get the picture. Sleep problems can lead to memory problems. I've had the same issue for a very long time. My husband and I have both dealt with this before where we thought we we were in agreement when we left a conversation but in fact we weren't at all. You’ve got to be vigilant where your spouse has parked the vehicle Your spouse will never remember where she has parked the vehicle, hence, the onus lies on you to remember such things. He never heard the heartbeat of our first baby. Be sure he isn't "forgeting" for some personal advantage and then have him evaluated for a slight ADD or ADHD. From there, I have slowly been able to dig myself out of the hole I was in, and find reasons to be happy, to have hope, and peace with myself again. It's endearing right now. First thing I want to say is that your husband is listening, He's just not retaining it. He's also possibly on the autism/asperger's spectrum (I'm diagnosed high functioning autism, and I recognize some signs in him). So is he really good at his job but bad at all the other little outside details? I have noticed when my hubby gets stressed out (for him it usually takes quite a bit) he gets crabby and forgetful. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. She will carry the whole universe in her bag, but will forget to bring along some money or her phone. Comment from: Naomi, 45-54 Female (Patient) Published: October 08 I have never been able to figure his angry,demeaning personality out until a marriage counselor said the word narcissist. My Husband Is Prioritizing His “Innocent” Friendship With Another Woman Over Me. ... Start employing dirty talk, meet together at a bar and roleplay your entire date, leading up to a “one night stand” with your hubby. The only thing that helped was taking an entire week, just to myself, away from my husband to straighten out my head and break the cycle of hope, disappointment, anger and shame. Now it seems as if even that's not enough anymore, since you can't have a simple conversation about your day anymore. Is not his fault, he's just the best sample of someone that can't multitask even if his life depends of it. My brother had this problem and was finally diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. He had to learn to sit down and say, "Wow, that sucks." I would INSIST that he go to the doctor for a checkup. https://www.mamapedia.com/article/could-this-be-alzheimers, https://www.mamapedia.com/article/this-might-be-an-odd-question, https://www.mamapedia.com/article/does-my-husband-lack-common-sense-or-is-it-something-more, https://www.mamapedia.com/article/forgetfulness-am-i-normal-does-anyone-else-have-this, https://www.mamapedia.com/article/my-mom-and-her-memory, https://www.mamapedia.com/article/memory-issues-cant-still-be-baby-brain-right, https://www.mamapedia.com/article/forgetting-my-downfall. The worst part is is that I can recall the most stupid and useless information from years ago :S. You mention that your husband will go for his phone while you are talking and gets distracted easily, Well guess what I also do? Now he takes Ritalin or something like that every other day. But he's like that across the board and with everybody. I had my daughter and he raised her as his own till she was nine and a half. We even had to do counseling exercises around it. It looks from other posts you made that your relationship is already basically over, and you mostly care about him as a roommate and co-parent. He's always thinking about other things, even when you're having a conversation with him about one topic. Get it checked out. Sudden confusion, sometimes called delirium, can be a sign of many health problems. My partner is a bit absent minded, he's got a one-track mind and can multi task to save his life. I take care of the house,grocery shopping, meals, animals and yard. He and my sister have taken to emailing each other when they want to remind the other about something, reiterate a topic already discussed or bring up a difficult situation. I've had memory issues before due to head trauma, and I didn't feel like I was forgetting anything; whole conversations would disappear and I never knew. Also, I ask him again later to make sure that he remembers. If you've not compartmentalized your communication — annoying logistical stuff, like car insurance rate increases, is going to be in his e-mail, a cancellation of his dental appointment next week, reminders of plans will be on his phone a few hours prior — it can be really easy to tune out. I also need to be directly looking at and have complete attention when talking to my wife, If there is noise in the back ground it makes retaining the conversation one hundred times harder. He has amazing focus when it's something that deeply interests him but experiences total mental shutdown with other things/when he is tired. Pretty normal stuff, and a lot of the things are his ideas). If during a conversation I mention one single problem that is difficult to solve his brain will click into action mode, even if I tell him that I'm not going to do that because is too hard or I like a better option. This mean no texting, tv or computer. Instead she keeps dropping all these hints about their special day, serving him rice for breakfast, circling the date on the calendar and asking Ricky “why is that day circled?”. You want to let her go so that your husband can do the same. "It's 3 p.m. and I've gotten nothing done today, and I want to go home and collapse. Although I was sleeping plenty hours, which was also frustrating for my husband, I wasn't getting good quality sleep. If he is not agreeable, do the research on your own and sit down with him and discuss your concerns in a helpful way (not suggesting he's wrong and you're right, but rather how you're concerned for him). Mu husband always forgets to do things that I ask him to so. Hi D., He was a dr and had to quit due to this problem! My suggestion to you if your husband isn't a big drinker and doesn't have a history of memory loss in his family would be to see a doctor first to rule out any potential health issues. Then you guys can work on him being present during a conversation. He recalls entire conversations he's had with them, and recounts them to me with enthusiasm. Sometimes during the day while I'm working and he's at home, I'll ask him to run a quick errand (out of milk, need to run by the post office and mail something, etc). this can definitely get worse or manifest with age. I have a whiteboard in our kitchen with "Shit I Have Told You" written across the top. When your spouse has become non-verbal ― or verbal language has shifted from kindness and tenderness to impatient and short ― it’s a big red flag, said R. Scott Gornto, a marriage therapist in Plano, Texas. He simply disagreed. I know I will be. ;0). Take care, Marci My husband and I have a problem with communication – specifically his memory – and it’s really starting to affect our relationship. I know of three male friends of mine all over the age of 40, that have been diagnosed as such recently. I have been married to my husband for 22 years. Share google calendars, put events, dates, EVERYTHING into the calendars. My husband ignores me—the issues. By the way, you're good to write stuff down. Or is this just one more step of him checking out of the relationship? The site may not work properly if you don't, If you do not update your browser, we suggest you visit, Press J to jump to the feed. Are things getting to the point where you'd be happier without him, is the question? My husband and I have some of these issues at times, and we solve them in the following ways: Counseling. Since its been a dramatic change in the last 6 months I would definitely get it checked out. You need something to metabolize into conversation, so find something that interests both of you to metabolize. it is unintentional even though they often view it as being dismissive or personal. I, met my ex husband when i was 15 .. Weird but if you think back, that was not something we knew much about 30-40 yrs ago. Once I realised that he really hasn't taken in anything I've said, it got easier to accept that he probably doesn't mind having the conversation again - because it's the first time for him :-p. He might have adult ADD. Seek the advice of experts. The focus should be on strengthening your marriage and your bond. Have you got any idea how awful I feel when you blatantly ignore what I'm saying? The Cure for the Chronically Self-Consumed Man. I would be intrigued to see what is more interesting on his phone. Especially about sex. Because you have been deceived by someone you trusted with your life, you are still devastated and in shock. I have explained to my bf time and time again that I have a legitimate attention problem. We'd been planning it for months. I have just had another argument with my husband. Perhaps OP's husband is embarrassed and acts like he doesn't remember at all to cover it up a bit? My bf is really forgetful and other times he seems like he doesn't understand me and I have to repeat myself over and over again until something sticks. There are ways to help people through memory issues. Although, it is extremely rude that yours tunes out halfway through a conversation. So whats going through my head in the conversations with my wife. Because forgetting whole conversations is not normal on any level, especially if you can't even remember reading a text even when it's in front of you. Ask yourself if you will be happy in this relationship if this problem never gets fixed. I am going thru this at this time with mine. My wife will give me a note of every thing i need to remember for a particular thing. When these circumstances do arrive I try to be more patient with him and try also to be more helpful in areas that may help relieve some of the stress. It has been helping (at least my lists are shorter and there hasn't been any arguments ;). I think it is a combination of what others have said: not enough sleep (he gets maybe 5 hours a night), not being in the moment (he tells me that people tell him things all day, so he can't remember it all), and stress. Is it possible that you are overbearing and try to mother and boss him all the time? Honestly I am getting pissed at my husband. My husband and I have a saying about this: "You remember it your way and I'll remember it the right way." So can head trauma from his glory days as a high school or college football player. I'm learning to carry a notebook around and write down key things that my husband and I talk about as well as other conversations and things I need to remember. Or how is he with his job? Why doesn’t she just remind Ricky, “its our anniversary on Tuesday.”. He said he'd be here between Monday afternoon and Thursday morning, and that he'd take a check, and guessed it would be under $150." But, as my husband has learned even the constant repetition and having me repeat things back to him doesn't work. Any chance he could have had some kind of injury like that? (Possibly my husband's problem, according to his MD.) My husband and I are big devotees of c.c. I spent the second 1/2 of my childhood with a mother with a traumatic brain injury and she had similar memory issues. But it doesn't solve the root problem, and it's also about my communication of frustration, stress, upset, nerves, etc. Get him to buy a notebook and start taking his own notes. So can hormone imbalances, reactions to medication, and depression. And the app comes up as a push notification so it's a constant reminder that needs done. He answers me and I haven't a clue what he is talking about. Even if conversations with your spouse are often disrupted by his interjections, it’s still possible to shift this dynamic so that you both have more room to speak and be heard. You know men. I'll remind him that we already talked about that issue and resolved it, and he will deny that we did. At the first sign of this behavior, start the process of talking about it,” he said. Is your husband under any sort of stress? There is a problem, and if he won't even acknowledge it, it will never get fixed. Seriously, though, this is exactly like my SO. If you agree too adamantly, bad things will happen to your relationship, not the least of which is that your husband will never let you forget your slipup and will preface everything he … Let’s see, Will used to forget when we planned to go out with friends of “mine” or get together with my family for dinner. My sister's husband is the same way. But often, that's akin to telling me to place a pillow on the back of my chair because my physical therapist told me to to try to minimize the pain from my sciatica. I had other injuries and was in the hospital, though, so people were able to observe and help me without too much difficulty. He may want to ask his doctor about any meds he may be taking. He should seek therapy or medical advice, if he wants to work on it, because obviously we're not able to diagnose this. I notice you on your phone, I'm not fucking blind. He'll respond and agree to do it, only to....not do it, and then have no recollection that I ever asked, despite seeing the text message right in front of him. Guess what I have/had. Because forgetting whole conversations is not normal on any level, especially if you can't even remember reading a text even when it's in front of you. He didn't believe me that I could forget a conversation we had just had. It's helped a lot. He seldomly asked whether I was even interested in seeing them or whether I had something I would want to show to him. A condescending spouse can make you feel worthless, frustrated, and sad. Routine and notes. i think your husband might be the same way. There are helpful diet hints to improve health and possibly supplements to help memory. Sounds like something he can't control, in my opinion. Let him chew on it for awhile and *if he remembers* maybe he will come to that conclusion on his own to look into it. I'm sure we've all been involved in conversations with people and could tell that the other person wasn't really interested and was just "waiting for their turn to talk." Does he snore? All I want to do is run errands together just us the the baby, he feels that I shouldn't want to always do that with him. Doctor put him on Zoloft and things are MUCH better. I am so guilty of doing this to my SO and it's something I am working on. I think despite the fact that he seems to only have this problem with you and nobody else, a medical appointment is still necessary here. He only takes it on the days that he needs to concentrate and focus on things, and off one day because it is hard for him to be creative on the drug (he has to be creative for his job). 'ing one another on e-mails and sending messages via Gtalk or FB message or some other messaging format. However, from experience, take it easy writing stuff down that you may not want to remember anyway. Hang in there!! It might be hard to convince someone to go get looked at if he doesn't think anything is wrong and doesn't remember having conversations. I make ALL of his meals on weekdays because I know he works hard, but the weekends he is complaining about being hungry. I'm at work ATM but I'll edit in the morning. One of the problems that turned out to be way bigger than I realized — either of us realized — is that he wanted to give solutions to a problem if I was complaining about it, and then he considered it finished and over with and out of mind. Once he withheld it for an entire 5 months. This describes my husband and I quite well. My partner is a bit absent minded, he's got a one-track mind and can multi task to save his life. Nothing and I mean NOTHING can get in the way of a conversation if its to be remembered. The only thing that helped was taking an entire week, just to myself, away from my husband to straighten out my head and break the cycle of hope, disappointment, anger and shame. I've also heard that doing puzzles (crossword, logic, etc) is a great help-some say that keeping your brain challenged like that can help you avoid Alzheimers & demensia. Memory Issues... Can't Still Be Baby Brain, Right. He was good to me .. He'll go meet me, then she'll ring him wondering where he is. he spends more time with you than his friends so his brain is reacting differently to those interactions, but frankly he probably does it to them loads too and they just think it is part of who he is. It's endearing right now. It's endearing right now. Have him checked for brain issues, possibly tumors, or other physical changes. He had told me, throughout our marriage and the last month, that he wasn’t changing. It sounds like something you should worry about. But if is in privite I casually say "Oh yeah, I think that I told you about it" or "I know! Although, he usually doesn't 100% all-out forget; if I ask "Hey, did you do (x thing you agreed to do earlier)?" I’ll tell you my take on this below, in terms of both my experience and based on many of the comments that I get about similar situations on my blog. I like to use the time we do have together to do things we both enjoy (checking out new restaurants, catching up on Netflix, or just taking the dog out for a walk around the neighborhood and talking about our day/week. I think your husband should get checked out by a doctor - maybe a few if he doesn't get the answers he needs right away. Yesterday, he forgot to put away the chili that I had simmered all day long in the crock pot, so it sat on the counter overnight. All of those are perfect text message / instant message thoughts, because they are simple information that requires the most minimal, if any, reply. good luck. and a man with similar issues from a car accident. I actually initially worried that this was potentially a medical problem of some sort -- however, he has friends and co-workers who he listens intently to and never forgets anything they tell him or plans they've made. Symptoms include not being able to focus on conversation, or most things in general. OK. "Would you be able to pick up my medication from the pharmacy, since I don't have the car today? I don't usually suggest this but honestly if you're positive it's not a medical thing I think you need to guilt trip him. I read about it somewhere". I have particular things I have to do almost every day and they don't change unless we go away. If you look at the other posts she's made on this throw away, it seems like neither of them really love each other anymore.I. That is so frustrating! Is he in good health? My husband and I just went through several months of testing for this very issue. It has time, date and activity. We can't eat it now! Forgetfulness... Am I Normal? His problem is that he's one track minded and always focus in solving the biggest issue. It's the holiday season, which causes stress for most people-that could be part of his problem right now. Counselling will help. I didn’t have to explain myself differently — he understood me. His response was to just make it again. I wish I knew something that would help me or your husband remember things. Don't forget ;). Hi D. - Have you considered that he is preoccupied, depressed or that he is angry about something? You mentioned him how he's in his cellphone when you ask him for a favor or you text him, which mean that he could be focused in something else at the moment that he received the message. I am now vaccinated, and finally went to dinner with four friends...all of whom, it turns out, have become Q followers. If you have enough "evidence" where he is initialling or signing family agreements with no memory of it, you are in a better position to get him to either answer for it or go see a doctor. Try to be home a little earlier, be prepared with a pizza and a bottle of wine, and massage my feet while listening to me whine."

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